Reflections 7/15/2020: Boy is head spinning this morning! Super dizzy from the onslaught of SOOO many emotions slamming into my brain in such a short time. The thrill of Sassy’s eminent arrival! The huge slap in the face of realizing that not only was she NOT coming… but probably never even existed at all! The confusion. The deep disappointment. The rush of fury at the “breeder” who had scammed us… and had just bred seeds of distrust in me that the world is a worthwhile place. The shame in myself at my stupidity and the rip off of so much money. The anger turned action as I filled out forms to stop this jerk from ever being able to hurt anyone else. The kind love and support from all of you as you expressed your outrage too, dividing my madness… and sadness. The hope of a new Sassy on the horizon. The surprise of getting a confession of guilt and plea for forgiveness from the perpetrator (in response to your explosive words to him!) The inner battle to forgive him or continue to hate him. The letting go… and finding peace in that process. The discovery that Ed had tracked down a potential puppy for us to meet in person today… and the sense of being so loved and protected by him that I can barely hold my head up. No wonder my eyes can’t stop the tears. Too much too fast! Lord, I need You. Prop me up. I get my double dose of chemo today. Then meet a new ball of fur. Open my heart to be ready for whatever You whisper in it.