Reflections 6/8/2020: Our pastor’s sermon yesterday called us to “search our hearts in honest self-examination” as we seek to draw closer to You Lord. In light of all the turmoil about racial prejudice, I got alone with You and plumbed the depths of my own past experiences that have been formative in the blueprint of my beliefs about race. Don’t remember much from my early years, given our mostly white neighborhoods, but high school became a hotbed of construction. The late 60’s, in the wake of the Watts riots, my high school (located in the suburbs of LA), became inflamed with racial tension! The African-American students revolted with violence and shutdown the school for stretches of time. Enter naive sophomore Lynette. Fresh from having had to put down her beloved hand-raised filly from a traumatic accident, and barely navigating the angst of adolescence. Scowl of depression on my face, I became a target for attack from the Black girls in my school. They took my glowering face personally and would stop me in the hallways to harangue me about my prejudice. My blank slate of racial judgment began to encrypt with loaded data… very unwanted, but survival oriented. Finally I had to transfer to a different high school in my junior year because of the threatening tension. Sooo God, when that same tone of racially-angry voice broadcasts over the news, my go-to grid gets triggered. Defensiveness! Dang! I want that clean slate back!! An ability to hear what that person is saying, and empathize with their loaded context, just like mine is loaded. Help me God. Give me Your eyes to see them in fresh ways. And Your heart to care about their hurt. I can’t erase the reality of the past, but perhaps I can make a conscious choice to shut down the knee-jerk reactions that inform my choices. And choose openness. Even curiosity to hear the legitimate roots of their anger. That gift is God-thing, so I need You to make that happen in my heart. You’ve turned my scowl into a smile… so that’s a start!