Reflections 11/9/2020: Oh to have hair again! Someday! I keep resorting to my old self-soothing habit of running my hand through my hair, (like sand sifting through my fingers), only to come up with nothing. Nada! Niltch! Shocks me every time! You’d think I would remember that I got scalped months ago when chemo took a butcher knife to my noggin. But I don’t! Maybe it’s a sort of phantom limb syndrome… where I sense hair there when it doesn’t exist. But coming up empty in fingers longing for that comforting touch is a slap back to the reality of cancer’s brutality. I do now have enough hair to cover the bleakness of total baldness, (no offense to bald men intended), but it is so short it looks more like a bad spray painting job than a hair style! I do have to admit it is almost maintenance free, which saves a huge amount of time getting ready in the morning… but at tremendous cost to my sense of femininity! Definitely have had to learn to let go of any dependence on external appearance as a go-to source of security. Bald. Barren. Exposed. But still me. God, I am trying to make the most of this slooooow recovery, and be thankful for good prognostic reports, but get this stinkin’ hair growing again soon! Since You are counting the hairs on my head anyway, why not up the ante and add more? Am I a hair-e-tic to ask this? Or just follically challenged?