Reflections 9/1/22: Boy can I relate Mr. Smiley Face! Deflated. Sucked dry. Energy a thing of the past. Yesterday I dragged myself through a few needful errands in this dilapidated balloon state and was struck by how differently I do life when my life-energy is sooo inaccessible. I found myself avoiding eye contact with everyone around me, could only muster up a few mandatory words, and was so entrenched in my own dullness that I couldn’t conjure up the concern to care about anyone else. YUCKO!
Kind of reminded me of my mentality BEFORE I surrendered my heart to You Jesus. Self-focused. Shut down to the flow of love and compassion for those around me. Relational survival mode. Much as I disliked the feeling of being so disconnected to others, it sure reminded me of how radically You’ve changed my heart. Usually I’m intrusively interactive because I feel such a flow of love for them.
I’m not sure if this deflated energy will be my new normal, or if I’m just adapting to some physiological changes, but my deadness towards others has GOT TO GO! Sooo not You, Jesus. Like Moses refusing to move forward toward the Promised Land unless You promised to “go with him,” I can face even this life-sucking dullness, BUT ONLY if You go with me. And please… restore enough energy to gush love towards others. I miss that river that flows straight from Your heart.
